Sex At First Date, What Is Wrong With It?

By Idera Eluwande

 Sex means different things to different people.    To some, sex is magical, a whole rush of emotions, it is intimacy; bond, getting wild and naughty. Another set of people see sex as sacred, so they only get intimate with their partners alone. So, though they can get really wild and naughty but it is with one person and that person alone.

To others, sex is just “strafing”.  Or “shagging” as it is so called.. Sex is just fun to them, merely to fulfill coital desires. The foreplay, oral peformance, blow job or hand job as the case may be, is basically just fun to them. These ones sleep with anyone with the mindset that “no strings attached”..

So, like the saying goes “Different strokes for different folks “, sex makes the bond stronger for some, while for others, sex is just to satisfy the body’s cravings..

Follow me on this illustration; two different sets of people went on first dates and the following thoughts played out in their minds:

Lady A: oh my God, he is so cute, really handsome.. I’m sure he’s going to want to kiss me tonight and it might lead to sex.. Uhhh, but I can’t allow him touch me today so he doesn’t see me as cheap…

Guy A: oh boy, see this hot and sexy babe what. She’s just my kinda woman and I’m glad she’s going to need mine. I love her composure.. I can’t resist this damsel tonight.  Mehn I’m sure she would want and love only me after tonight.. 

READ ALSO: Is Love Enough? ….What Nigerians Say

Lady B: wow he looks even hotter in person, thank God he’s mine, can’t wait to give him like it’s hot tonight. After tonight he won’t even look at any other girl again.

Guy B: mehn!n see this new catch sha; See her boobs! If I should grab them I’m sure she won’t stop screaming my name. Since she already sees me as a good lover boy, I will cajole her, na chop and clean mouth o… She will definitely know different sex styles..

Lady A feels like having sex on the first date will make the guy think she is cheap while Guy A is of a contrary opinion, he does not mind first day because he really likes her and wants a relationship. Lady B feels having sex on first date will secure her space in the guy’s life while the guy just wants to sleep with her and forget about her. This shows that some have sex on first date and build a beautiful relationship, while some just want to “use and dump”..

This leads me to my question; what is wrong with sex on the first date? Below is what our respondents said:

Defining sex on a first date is the point, some define it as a “one night stand” others may take it as level of instant connection, but in the general view its seen as a relationship going to fast, which in most cases is bad for many relationships out there”

-Femi  Sofolahan, banker.

Having sex on the first date sends a bad signal to the relationship or to the guy. It makes the man think or believe the lady is not responsible. Sex on the first date gives a stigmatic expression throughout the relationship, so it is wrong.

–Mrs Abiola Olawunmi, teacher

Sex on the first date is not ideal especially for the female. As a guy I expect any babe to be stiff or put up a bit of resistance when the I am trying to get my groove on. And when there is little or no form of resistance the guy sees the girl as been cheap and she loses her value though this sometimes is not always the case but most times it is.

-Onome Tadafe, a writer and a poet

Sex on the first date or on the 15th date really doesn’t matter. The truth about sex is that men and women see sex differently and that is simply because we are two different peoples. A woman sees sex as the ultimate goal , like an award to be given to the deserving; a man sees sex as freely received freely given. Example, if your boyfriend or husband is irked at you, you can still tell him, come let’s make love and he will do it and that doesn’t mean he has forgiven you.

But for a woman, she can’t  even  bear the sight of you , talk less of having sex with you. I repeat sex on first date or last date isn’t a determining factor for a long last relationship”

 -Shina Oyiye, Quantity Surveyor( Mniqs, Mnia, Cpm).

I wouldn’t say it’s wrong or right to have sex on a first date. Our emotions move us in different ways. It may work for some and go wrong with others. Different strokes for different folks”

-Ife Ogundun, tailor

“if sex  isn’t on first date, then when is the appropriate time for it? It’s in two ways; if the guy loves the girl already he won’t think having her on first date is “quick to get” but if he doesn’t and it’s the other way around,  then I can boldly say she will be seen as very cheap, thereby losing her self-value/ respect and such a signal can deter the relationship or not even making it work at all.

This is because there’s this common saying that “first impression really matters a lot”.

Finally, if we are going by  Biblical principles, it says our body is the temple of the Lord, we shouldn’t defile it, because that’s where the Holy spirit dwells, I know a lot of people won’t want to hear this but it’s the truth, if we abide by this then there shouldn’t be anything like “sex on first date.

-Mrs Mercy Adebayo, fashion designer

Nothing is wrong with sex on the first date as long as both parties want it. But in this part of the world that we are in (Africa), our culture frowns at it.

Most people believe that any lady that accepts sex on the first date is a cheap lady.”

-Oladepo Okunade, a teacher

“From a nonreligious perspective, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with sex on a first date… Except for unexpected outcomes like STDs and the rest”

-Benseth Adewunmi, 400l,  Computer Science, University of Ibadan

“First date usually involves some kind of drink or meal that you’d rather not share with a stranger, and there’s always that hesitant question at the forefront of both your minds: Are we going to have sex later? Which most ladies think is very bad for a guy to ask about. To be sincere, its part of real feeling and that doesn’t mean the guy thinks the lady is cheap”

 -Bankole Akintoye, accountant

Nothing is wrong with sex on the first date, a man or woman would leave you or stop talking to you if they want to, regardless of having sex with you on the first date or not. There are couples out there who are happily married after having sex on the first date. Sex on the first date should be a choice, not a must or criteria for the success of any relationship.”

-Fola, peng entertainment.

Last Line

Whether it’s right or wrong to have sex on the first date is a personal perception, mindset and decision…. As they say “another man’s food is another man’s poison”, it’s all life’s unresolved mystery