By Opebiyi Kofoworola
You may have been taking your child’s self-esteem with levity, but piece is all about letting you know, how grievous such an error is.
It is for the simple reason that a child’s self-esteem is the real magic wand that can form a child’s future.
In the words of Stephanie Martson: “A child’s self-esteem affects every area of her existence.”
This is because how a child feels about himself, or what she thinks and says about herself, can make or mar the child. Children react to situations differently, and the way they manage such presents their self-worth, consciousness, self-identity, and core values instilled in them.
And this is where proper home upbringing comes in. Every child is a reflection of his home and upbringing.
Let me tell a story. As a child growing up, I used to think I was “never good enough”. I thought I had big eyeballs; not a smart dude, and was never loved.
I felt inferior to every other youngster around, and that everything I did was tied to some sense of worthlessness. I felt my self-esteem was punctured like a flat tire. I struggled with accepting and loving myself. The reason wasn’t far-fetched! I was struggling with my self-esteem and was raised wrongly.
Self-esteem in Children?
Self-esteem is the overall or general sense of worth, value and acceptance in a child. It is the way the child feels about themselves, and this impacts their interpersonal relationship, academics, and general wellness. Likewise, It is the way a child feels safe, loved, secure, accepted, and unique.
When the right values (such as: love, courage, gratitude, forgiveness, and patience) are not instilled in children at an early age, they begin to suffer from low self-esteem. Every child is born with a blank slate; no child has a low or healthy self-esteem at birth.
It is what children learn and adopt while growing up. Children who imbibe a sense of belonging, self-worth and love from their experience with their parents, siblings, friends, immediate families, and the society at large would develop a healthy self-esteem. Above all, parental upbringing determines if their children would have a low self-esteem or a healthy one.
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Self-esteem in children is their perception, opinions, beliefs, judgments, self-confidence, self-care, and self-respect about themselves. It is not about being selfish or feeling overly better than others. It is respect for yourself as a child and other children.
Different Ranges of Self-esteem in Children
There are different ways children can feel about themselves naturally. Some have overly high self-esteem while some suffer from low self-esteem.
The overly high self-esteem Child feels other children are inferior to them and that they are better than everyone else. Overtime, they presumably imbibe this from their parents who tell them they are superior to other children.
Children in this bracket are proud, they never say sorry when they are wrong, are not appreciative, and take advantage of others. They are also full of criticism, entitlement, self-indulgence, are selfish, and love competition. With this in play, cases of bullying and assault on other children will suffice.
The low self-esteem Child sees others as superior. They feel intimidated by their peers’ talents, abilities, and skills. Such children suffer from insecurity, and consider others’ opinions about them as absolute, true, and real. They are not happy, take compliments from others as malicious and are timid.
A healthy self-esteem child neither feels superior nor inferior to his peers. They have a balanced judgment, opinion, and belief about themselves. They love themselves and others, and have confidence in their abilities.
These children can relate with other children without bullying or feeling intimidated. They do not focus on their weaknesses but use their strength to their advantage. He or she excels in academics. These children are respectful, not competitive, and they say sweet and kind words about themselves and others. They are honest, secure, take risks, and take up responsibility.
How Parents Help Children Develop Healthy Self-esteem?
Parents are their children’s first teachers; therefore, they must leave nothing to chance. Charity, they say, begins at home. Here are a few ways to help develop healthy self-esteem and shun low self-esteem or overly high self-esteem in children.
Parents as good Role Models: Children learn naturally and they do what they see their parents do. Parents must set good examples for children and let them learn from you.
Parents as Helpmate to the Child: Sometimes, all you need to do as parents is focusing on your children’s abilities. Their strength and passion can help develop their abilities, skills, and talents. This way, they feel good about themselves. The right esteem is built and they grow to love who they are.
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Teach to be in Love and no Harsh Criticism: Children can learn from their mistakes or failure when parents give constructive criticism. Do not let their self-esteem be punctured because they make mistakes. Do not pass harmful or negative corrections.
Parents should say decent words to their child. Don’t say, “You’re lazy. You’re ugly.” Tell them how beautiful they are. Tell them how smart and creative they are. This way, nobody will take advantage of their vulnerability.
Nurturing Healthy, Positive Relationships in Children is very crucial to developing healthy self-esteem. It is always good for parents to build friendships with their children. Let them be free to discuss their challenges with you. They can then trust mommy or daddy as their confidants. It builds healthy self-esteem in children.
Healthy Self-esteem is the right way children can conform to society. Let parents raise children who are never timid and can explore their strengths. Let your children make mistakes but ensure they learn from them.
It is not bad when you praise your children’s efforts or abilities. However, do not overpraise them and don’t let them become overly high self-esteem children. When a child’s self-esteem is boosted, even the parents leverage from it.
